A 2nd Saturn Return back to the 9th house--a relationship and beliefs journey

©8-2011 by Ineke

 Note: Second Saturn Return members are invited to share and post their Saturn return stories so we can all learn  from each other. Ineke has studied astrology for a long time, but that’s not a requirement for posting here.

 My first Saturn Return also coincided with Transiting Neptune conj my Natal Sun/Mercury. Much later I did an astrological assignment on the first return and had writings and diaries to sort thru what happened. Saturn came close to my Saturn at the beginning of that year and only one pass in the October. The Saturn Return chart (13 Oct 1981) has Saturn in the 9^th conjunct Sun in 9^th conj Jupiter on MC and Pluto in 10^th plus opposition Moon in Aries in the 3^rd.  

It was a year of much mental and emotional turmoil. The diaries and writings show inner pain, confusion, words of empty, barren and bleak. There were feelings of not having enough to give, hurting others, feeling unworthy and feelings of an unreal quality to life. 

Mid year I wrote ‘Like I am a boat in a storm at sea, sometimes it calms down and I get into the eye of the storm and see things clearly and then slip back into the storm’. Spiritual issues of the church and rituals and needing a higher authority to protect me.  

Before the Return I was getting into alternative health (am a reg nurse) and other different alternative things, I became rather disillusioned with orthodox life. As time went on, Saturn Return got closer and after, the obsessive need for spiritual rituals as well as the huge swing to the alternative fell away and I realized I no longer need outer rituals, became more grounded spiritually and mentally in myself. I came back to a more balanced life straddling both worlds. 

At the end of a piece I wrote one week before the exact Saturn Return I wrote – “I feel as tho a great shattering process has occurred, fragmentation and nothingness and now a coming back together again in a new and hopefully better way.” I dealt with fears of unworthiness, of thinking I could control my life, fix every ones else’s problems — be all things to all people, living for others and not dealing with myself.  

Someone once said it was my “Dark night of the Soul”, I certainly faced much in myself but there was more to come, as there probably will continue to be.

 Then almost to the day TransitingSaturn hit natal Saturn, a long distant male friend arrived in N Z for the 6 mth holiday.  I had blocked him out and he arrived on the doorstep. By Dec we were an item.  He left the following April, I went to Canada later and the rest is history from Career Nurse, footloose and fancy free to love, wife, mother and all it entailed again back in NZ. 

Second Saturn Return plus Return charts

•  Saturn Return first hit: 21 Nov 2010 Saturn is in the 3^rd house – everyday communication issues, siblings etc.
• Rx Saturn return chart: April 2011 Saturn is in the 7^th house of relationships and open enemies
• Last Saturn Return chart: Aug 2011 Saturn in 2^nd taking responsibility for my own feelings of inadequacy and self worth
• Saturn conj Neptune 23 October 2011
• Saturn conj MC 9 Oct 2012
• Natally Saturn is at 13 Libra 40 conj Mars 12 Libra 45 in 9^th house both sq Uranus 12 Cancer 41 in 6^th
• Neptune 21 Libra 19 in 9^th 9 degrees from the MC
• Saturn/Mars are Quintile both Sun conj Mercury are in 11^th and Moon in Leo in 7^th
• Libra / Aries are intercepted into 9^th / 3^rd

 This 2^nd Saturn return is again return to relationships and beliefs around them – different but in essence the same  my strong self responsibility beliefs are tested, challenges and yet another level of lessons to be learned. 

Saturn into Libra (pre Saturn Return)

Saturn first went into Libra in very late Oct 2009 and looking back the seeds of my Saturn Return started then. I had a high position in a worldwide volunteer organisation and ongoing escalating problems with a senior person in my team so I started looking at taking a stand, documented problems, emails etc this became very detailed over time and ultimately very useful in the end.  

These issues continued all 2010 becoming very stressful it brought into focus my relationships with the various people in the organisation I worked with and the part of my role to deal with various people and the sometimes difficult issues and decisions that need to be made. 

 My strong self responsibility beliefs were being tested with my uncomfortable Mars in Libra that wants to make people feel better and feels sorry for them. There was naturally a backlash and an attempt to discredit me which polarized some people which mostly fell flat. I relearned that you can’t be everyone’s friend and you must do what needs to be done in an ethical honest manner for the good of everyone. It took its toll on me. 

In Oct / Nov 2010– the first pass of Saturn: this situation our National office got involved and ultimately the issue was resolved in a beneficial way to the organisation. Our summer holidays came just before Christmas and I did not renew my 3 yr warrant (I was wrung out) and left the organisation with the intention of 6 mths break to think about ‘where to from here’. 

Again back in Oct 2009 we were supposed to have a nursing reunion 40 years since we started and 10 years since the last one. I do not live close to where we trained and thru poor organization, I got involved late by email and phone in the end it was a small reunion. I took it upon myself to be the long distance communicator re the 2010 reunion and contacting people for a 2012 reunion and things are in place already. I am learning about my relationships with my nursing friends, the past – ‘who’ I was then, how much I have grown.  

Mid July 2010 onwards when Saturn had been back into Virgo and came back into Libra and onto as my first Saturn Return hit in Nov2010 the issue and solution became clear in another important group in my life. I have lead an astrology group for 18 years, this group has dwindled in numbers over the years, and became 6 close friends came to share plus a few others who only came to get answers, not learning or sharing / giving to others.  

Mid year I suddenly came to thinking I don’t have to invite everyone, surprised myself and over time made it a closed group with those 6 only, I learned I am allowed to be selfish and not spread myself thin, give and give with no reciprocation. I again learnt more about my need to be noticed, tendency to be nice, not hurt others feelings, feeling responsible to teach and pass on my knowledge and be ever helpful!  

2011 More revelations around my fractured growing up family and particularly 2 closely related male members who for the past 20 years are happy for me to call / visit / contact them but did not reciprocate. I had always held the family together till 1999 (T Saturn trundling thru the 4^th plus other big transits) when there were major ructions and splits by my mother after the death of my father, I had a lot of fear around losing particularly my siblings.  

I am the oldest in an immigrant family, (Saturn in the 9^th) immigrating when I was 4 so there was not much wider family support and a lot was expected of me and I took on. I have always felt and carried a lot of responsibility for my siblings (Mars conj Saturn – Aries intercepted into 3^rd) from a young age and was a 2^nd mother to them.  

In the end in 1999 I abdicated a lot of the responsibility of trying to keep together a disinterested growing up family but continued individual contact and continued to feel responsibility to some family members. Round the time of the 2^nd SR Rx pass inApril I made a clear decision to not instigate the contact. Low and behold in a short time, unprecedented, both male relatives contacted me – and not because I had left it for a long time and my close sister is also making a greater effort not to leave it to me. 

Thru out 2011 the most unlikely people have come back into my life – all with whom I have realised I unfinished business with plus the need to look at our friendship / relationship back then, my need to carry more of the responsibilities of the friendship than I should. Even some present relationships / friendships are being tested and a couple have become challenging – the ways of conducting them etc.

This year particularly, my husband and I have worked thru issues in our relationship and are more and more coming to a peaceful place. Our relationship while loving and mostly great has also been challenging over our 28 years of marriage. 

Our 2 daughters (mid 20’s) – I have been confronted with not having let them go as much as I thought I had, I have looked deep into myself, come to conclusions, apologised and backed off. Consequently they are closer again rather than holding me at arms length. 

Saturn Return and Neptune – Neptune widely conj Saturn / Mars and close to the MC – the glamour of being responsible for relationships, needing to see the reality of them but also being very intuitive about people / others. Saturn coming up over the widely conj Neptune is stripping illusion and fantasy away.

 Particularly this year when the pattern was showing itself I have tried to be very conscious in this process, seeing my part in the events, what I could have done better and so on. I don’t want to be blindsided when and if the universe (what I attract) decides to smack me round J to strip away illusion and rose tinted glasses and expose denial. 

Conclusion

And what a journey it’s been!!! Tested and challenged on the way with no real anguish this time and again a huge amount of positive growth. 

It has been about looking at the idea that all relationships should carry equal responsibility, that it’s a 2 way street and that an unequal giver and taker is not healthy. It’s about my ideas, ideals and beliefs around these relationship things which are being tested, challenging me, the need to let go what is past its ‘sell by date’ both in relationships and my beliefs around relationships including my karma, past / future lives beliefs. 

No doubt as time goes on I will see and understand more of what happened in my 2^nd Saturn return process.

At this stage I have decided to do virtually no volunteer work – have been doing it in some form or another for 30 years and now its time for me / us, the things I have put on the back burner for so long, my family and friends who have often been neglected plus my part time paid job gets more attention. We can now save for and go into retirement with a slower less frantic pace of life. 

I am gaining again a clearer sense of me and the other, where one ends and the other starts. I feel as Donna so succinctly put I have completed a lot of my responsibilities and am beginning to emerge as an elder with experience that can benefit others.

 I hopefully can go into my autumn / golden years with my loved ones as a more whole, responsible and not over responsible person, a place of peace, not worry over the unnecessary obligations to others, but with some wisdom to pass onto others.

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